Well if you haven’t guessed by now my name
is Nick. Lets see here. I grew up in Modesto,
Ca and spent some of that time between parents.
Father in Modesto and Mother in
Yakima,
WA. I attended three High Schools and hated moving
from school to school. After
graduation I finally ended up in Yakima and tried
to get to know myself a bit better.
Although, I wish I had really plunged forward with
who I thought I was, I was more
concerned with who I thought my parents and family
wanted me to be. I was a definite
“closet” case. I even corresponded with
another gay man who wanted to meet me, I really
wanted to but I was too scared at that time in
my life. Up until recently I was too concerned
about other peoples thoughts about how my life
should be. So, I mistakenly went on to date
a girl who I had seen in high school. I truly did
love her as a person, but eventually getting
married and discovering that I couldn’t make
her happy if I wasn’t happy. Our conflicts
drove me into deeps thoughts about who I really
was and where I wanted to be. I finally
discovered that and decided to leave. I took charge
of my own life for the first time and made
myself over in my own image, instead of anothers
perceptions of who I was. I moved on to
California to stay with my Dad and other Mom. I
went out with my best friend and his lover.
They both helped me in my discovery. Part of that
walk was meeting my future partner
Mark. I had met him online while I was still married.
Although, he was nothing more than a
friend and a helping hand at that time I felt a
special connection. After I had moved to
California I got in touch with him again. We ended
up calling each other every day and
really getting to know each other. It finally became
imperative that we meet. So I decided to
buy his ticket to
San Francisco. It
was December 13th 1996 the beginning of a romantic
love. Our best outing was when we went to the
Castro district, the infamous
gay district. It
was so romantic to be able to, hold hands walking
down the street and going into stores
knowing that you’re not being judged. Our
weekend started coming to an end and we both
realized how much we needed each other. I took
him to the airport and I was unable to see
him off. I drove home, it was one of the longest
rides ever. I found myself struggling to
remember the words of Alanis Morissette’s
songs-my comming out Cd, so distracted by
where I was going to spend the rest of my life
and thinking about when he would pick up his
book and open the page to find his new bookmark
which was a business card of the Hotel’s
that I had written I Love You on the back of it.
I got into town and decided I couldn’t go
home, I went to see a good friend and spoke with
him about moving. He tried so hard to
convince me, not to move to Phoenix where Mark
was living, His viewpoint came out
because he didn’t want to loose a good friend
someone that he needed. I made up my
mind over the next two days and decided to move.
It was less than one week and I was once
again reunited with my Love. Early the next year.
I was having nightmares and decided to
“Come Out.” I wrote my Mom a 7 page letter.
It was my only choice since she was 1,600
miles away. I was very through with information
and filled explanation. She told me later
that she called into work sick for two days and
got plastered, not exactly the best approach
but, what ever works. Soon after that letter we
had a three hour long conversation with
expressions of love, explanation and education.
It was a good chat with my mother. She
didn’t know, if she would ever talk with Mark
of at least not until she was comfortable with
him. 45 minutes into the call she had enough and
said, “ give the phone to him,” I was
astounded. They talked, joked and laughed for a
good 30 minutes. Mark kept saying “ I
don’t believe your mom said that.” As
you could guess my mom is a very open minded
person. Once when I was ten, I was my baby-sitter
kissing another girl, I was astounded.
Several months later I asked my mom why they were
kissing and she said, “ that’s just how
some people show their love.” My mother and
I are very close, although a lot has happened,
not much comes between us. If your thinking of
coming out wait until you’re in a position to
do it. It would be better to be mentally and physically
able to take care of yourself. Some
situations don’t turn out as well as mine.
Be true to yourself, the rewards will be greater than
you ever imagined.
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